Rhyming for Fun sans Sun

I love to write, I love to rhyme,
I love to do it all the time!
I love to sit and think of words
that sound the same, like "Thirds" and "Birds".
But most the time, and no offense,
I like to make my rhymes make sense...
Except for evenings like tonight
when I'm too tired to function right.
Then all my rhymes will simply be
a waste of time, as you can see!
But hey, if you have read this much,
then I must have the rhyming touch!
This is so bad, so bad I think:
my pen is running out of ink.
I won't be able now to write,
but that's alright, for it is night,
and I shall go and rest my head
upon my stinkin-linkin bed.
And if you think this note is not
worth reading, then forget that thought,
for here is something you have gained:
this note has kept you entertained!
At least, I really hope it has...
If not, go listen to some jazz!
-By Gideon

Hot Feet

My shoes on fire you know,

I guess I’ll have to go,

And put it out and wear my grin.

Oh what a mess I’m in!

Of the burning stench of rubber I do tire,

I guess I should have kept my foot out of the fire.

-To a certain mother who told me to keep my feet away from the propane heater.

-By Joshua

Once Upon A Floor

Once upon a time, (I know you've heard that before!)
There lived a man who lived inside a house without a floor!
All he could walk on was dirt and debris,
even when he would sweep it so diligently.
Each day, when he woke, he would sweep with a broom.
He would mop with a mop, and would also vacuum!
But after trying in vain to keep his socks clean,
He had a bright thought, while eating a bean.
"If I dump a whole bunch of beans on the ground,
There'll be no more dirt or debris to be found!"
So, he dumped out the beans by the pint and the quart,
But they were so very hard that it gave him a wart.
He tried walking across his new bean covered floor,
But he couldn't stand straight, and it made his feet sore.
So, with feet sore and warted, he sat down and sighed,
he sniffled, and snuffled, and he nearly cried.
Then he started thinking like never before,
New thoughts of a way to get dirt off the floor.
Then suddenly, a brilliant thought ran through his mind,
perhaps he'd find boards made of pine and such kind,
And perhaps he could place those boards over the dirt
So his poor warted feet, when he walked, wouldn't hurt!
So, he ran for his shoes, and his coat by the door,
then he went out to find some boards for his floor.
He sawed down nine trees which he cut into lumber,
Then ate lunch, which was hash-browns and pickled cucumber.
After he finished, he felt better indeed,
so he loaded up all of the boards he would need.
He went home, got a hammer, and nails, and glue,
Then set right off to work to see what he could do.
In no time flat he had finished that floor,
And it shined and it sparkled like never before.
He stood back and viewed it from side to side,
And the work of his hands filled his heart with great pride.
He knew that he now would never have to
dirty his socks again, and so he sighed,"Phew!"
And never again did his feet become sore
When he walked in his house, for he now had a floor!

-By Gideon and Connie

The Great Dodge Lodge

There is a planet far away past the nearest star.
If you could see it you would find, it has a great big scar.
The giant scar, is not in fact a scar....it is a canyon!
And it is used for all the giant shuttle ships to land in.
So if you fly and zoom through space,
make sure you stop and visit this place.
In this valley, there is a lodge.
It is owned by a lodgeowner named Mr. Dodge.
He's a very nice fellow, so nice and clever,
his lodge can be very different however.
To this Planet-Scar Canyon Dodge Lodge I once went,
And it turned out to be quite a different event!
It’s not like any other lodge that you’ve seen
All of the walls there are painted lime green.
All the furniture there is not what it would seem,
And the roof is held up by one half-rotten beam!
The beam you see, had come from our earth,
and it had to be towed there because of it's girth.
On it's journey through space, it got stuck at one spot,
And remained there for weeks! (Which explains all the rot.)
But, besides the beam, and the walls of lime green,
The thing that they served there was a giant string bean.
They are served with a side of spaghetti dyed yellow,
And a microwaved, caramel dipped, chocolate marshmallow.
Now this I admit, was quite a good treat,
and mostly, I think, because it was sweet!
Another remarkable fact of this lodge
Is that every last room has a six-car garage!
And they also each boast a whirling, Snoozy Jacuzzi,
which I tried to try out, but it made me feel woozy.
On the first floor, I think, there's a large water slide
That's one-hundred feet tall and six-hundred feet wide!
And of the whole lodge, that is my favorite part,
it gives such a rush, that it nearly stops your heart.
At the gift shop, you can buy things like belts with big buckles,
And glasses, and candy, and gold honeysuckles!
So, despite all the downsides, there's more on the upside
And I think that is why you should try out this nice place to hide.
Yes, come to Dodge Lodge if you're ever in space,
But you might want to wear camouflage just in case!
-By Gideon and Connie

Year of the Bug

Lady bugs bite you know,
and how do I know?
Why, I was bit just a moment ago.
The lady bug quite slyly walked off the edge of her leaf,
then on to my finger and sunk in her teeth.
I knew then, but still in disbelief,
that below all her pretty colors, lies a cruel thief.
Such treachery I never suspected,
such vile beguile I never would have detected,
such an evil impostor, beyond all belief,
dwells on the underside of a leaf.
So little children, beware as you crawl into bed and fall fast asleep,
the lady bug waits for you on the edge of her leaf, watching you sleep.
-By Joshua

Midnight Smore Horse Wars

Why would I go to bed just to get bedbug bitten
When I know that there's so many rhymes to be written.
Then all of these rhymes would just go straight to waste
If I called it a day in such unthoughtful haste!
And don't say "But (nameless), please come to your senses,
If you don't sleep at all there will be consequences!"
I know what will happen if I do not sleep...
I will wake with a headache that aches 'til I weep.
And the rest of the day I well feel quite dreary.
That may be what you fear, see, but please hear thee my theory.
If the Lord puts these rhymes in my head, like I've said,
And I don't go to bed.. He'll watch over my head!
I believe this is true, in the depths of my soul!
Yes, I've heard of the spiritual fruit, Self Control,
And I don't think that my self control is at stake!
Why, it takes self control just to stay wide awake!
When my mind is this tired, I begin to think quicker
About how to write rhymes that will make people snicker.
When I feel this tired, my thought processor flows,
And I make up knew creatures like three-legged Shmoes.
Or no, wait! I mean Smores! Oh, I get so mixed up its
Insane, and it makes me just want to watch Muppets.
The North Smores fought wars, if my guess is not missed,
With the South Smores, for neither could quite coexist!
The North Smores rode horsed, Smore horses of course,
And waged war with South Smoredom; a sorcery force!
The South sorcerer Smores used a black magic source...
Their defeat of the North is a tale of remorse!
No wait! Smores have chocolate! Oh what am I saying?
The cattle are lowing, the chickens are laying!
I think that my mind is about to shut down!
I cannot think at all! Are my eyes turning brown!?!
The moral of all of this nonsense you've read
Is: Just go freakin sleep when it's late! Go to bed!
-By Gideon

Slum Gum

One evening, as I brushed my teeth,
I knelt to see my sink beneath.
My sink beneath was often shiny,
But other times was gross and slimy.
This time I thought, "Oh what a bum!"
For underneath was stuck some gum.
I thought, "Now how did that get there?
I chewed no gum! This isn't fair!"
So I took that gum that had headed south,
And stuck that gum into my mouth.
It tasted good, it tasted sour,
The flavor was green apple power.
But then, a thought erased my grin...
I'd have to brush my teeth again!
And then I noticed the gum was sugarless.
Among men, I was most blessed.
But then a thought worse than the other:
Perhaps this gum belonged to my mother!
Perhaps she'd stuck the gum beneath
To chew before she brushed her teeth!
She said it was jumped on by a frog,
And later chewed on by our dog.
This memory made me sick,
I needed to spit it out quick.
But as I tried to quickly spit,
I accidentally swallowed it!
For it was pooped on by our parakeet,
And later walked on with bare feet.
I quickly checked the sink to see whether shiny or slimy...
To my extreme horror, it was very grimy.
Then I turned green, and very quickly,
My stomach started feeling sickly.
I prayed my heart to be brave.
I knew my stomach He would save.
And then He did! (I knew He would)
My stomach started feeling good.
And since that point of feeling ill,
I've never chewed gum, and I never will!
Out of my stomach it did spill,
And I put it under the window sill.
Then I remembered, and felt like a freak,
I'd stuck that gum there just last week!

The moral of this tale, I think,
If you find gum beneath your sink,
Just throw it away before you chew
The gum that could be the end of you.
By-Connie, Joshua, and Gideon

My Lucky Duck Day

One morning, out of bed I rolled,
Onto the floor, the floor so cold.
And yet, why I asked this story of old,
This floor so icy, and resplendently bold.
Maybe I should invest in a rug,
I thought as I pulled my socks on with a tug.
But those socks turned out to be worse than bare feet,
For later, they caused me to slip on the street!
Then I met a man who offered a plan,
He bought me some shoes and a brand new van!
Now things were looking up from this mornings cold floor!
Why, if it continued this way, I might soon start to soar!
And just when I thought things could not get more right,
A kind lady strolled up, and she gave me a kite!!!
I flew this kite out the window of my van,
And Donald Trump said he was my greatest fan!
He told me to visit him later that day,
And go out for dessert. (He said he would pay)
I told him, "I'd love to! I eat like an ox!"
But then I remembered my slippery socks...
He then gave me 10 diamond dog collars,
And Bill Gates offered me 10 billion dollars!
I don't know why he offered such a stash,
But I told him I couldn't take all of his cash.
Then he said "All my cash? No, not even near!
I just feel like seeing some cash disappear!"
Then all the presidents called me at noon
And offered me title and deed to the moon!
Now this offer I simply couldn't resist,
Moon farming, you see, was on top of my list!
So I went to the moon and I planted a crop
Of large moonbeans. They're used to make rare soda pop.
But the moon was full of Razor Red Hens
That nested in the footsteps of rocket flying men.
But the eggs, oh the eggs, they really were something,
So I made up my mind to give up and go hunting.
But after awhile, I saw something quite red,
It flew by, and it dropped an egg right on my head!
And since the moon was so cold
The egg froze long before it got mold.
And then I drowned in a river of cream...
But then, I woke up! It was all just a dream!!!
-By Gideon, Joshua, and Connie

Peculiar Trout

There's a river by the ocean
Where the fish swim in constant motion.
They swim in big circles, and giant squares.
They host chili feeds, and great big fairs.
They're quite an unknown type of trout
That you have never heard about.
They have purple spots and blue-green fins.
They have rainbow teeth, and iridescent grins.
In all the land they're known quite well,
For their silly colors and peculiar smell.
To catch them is against the law,
Except with bait like cabbage-slaw!
The best bait though is marmalade wood.
Just don't let the game wardens catch you. They're up to no good.
If they catch you, they might lock you away,
Or make you do push-ups for the rest of the day.
Or make you run 'til you collapse,
Then stuff your mouth with Mac-Snack wraps!
Then they'll wrap you up in barbwire bins
And bunnies will be stuffed right in.
But even though the penalty's stiff,
Every very dark night, there will be a large skiff!
Most skiff drivers, sadly, are not very smart,
And most game wardens catch them and tear them apart.
There is a river that flows with fish
And every angler gets his wish!
-By Joshua, Connie, and Gideon

The Rainy Day Goat

My people keep me out in the rain to keep me clean,

if you ask me I think it's a little mean.

In their house it is bright and hot.

Standing out here I think there is something they forgot.

Why, if they let me in, I'll run and play all day,

and eat their books, after I stomp on them, with muddy, poopy hay.

And when I'm done with that,

I'll jump in the air and headbutt the cat.

I'll run down the halls tearing the walls,

chew on the couch, and pop their exercise balls.

I'll climb on the table, and eat all their bread,

if you ask me, I think those people are all overfed.

They'll be glad I thought of that,

I'll keep them from growing to fat.

But you see, that all looks good to me,

there's no reason that I can see.

So in these thoughts in the rain, I wear my grin,

I can't understand why they won't let me in!

-By Joshua

Leap Frog

The first frog said, "I'll jump over you."
The second frog said, "How could this be true?
I'm twice as big as you."
The first frog said, "Over is under, and under is over.
If you even try to hop on the clover
and turn it over, I'll be on the under of the over."
The second frog said, "Now this is nonsense.
Up is not down and down is not up."
The first frog said, "Why you silly lump,
I look down and down looks up.
Life is backwards for me,
while I'm sitting on top of you, you're sitting on top of me."
The second frog said, "Now, now, your making no sense.
If you ask me, you're a little dense.
Can a frog sit on top of the bottom of the fence?"
The first frog spoke, "By no means. Do you know anything at all?
With my sticky hands, I'm a tree frog, and you are about to fall.
-By Joshua

Woe of the Doe

One day, as the sunshine shone,
I walked a lonely road alone,
Until I found one to bear my load
Along the summer solaced road.
The one that bore my load was kind,
He brought joy to my heart, and peace to my mind.
It’s just too bad that I was blind…
I looked at him, his face I could not find!
And then I chanced to stub my toe
Upon the hoof of a bypassing doe!
The doe was nibbling a nearby flower.
Her mood towards me by then was sour.
I didn’t want to start a fight,
And so I turned and fled from sight.
And the one to me who was so kind
Kicked that ole’ deer in the behind.
But that poor doe, what had it done?
It never had hurt anyone!
Until it leaped upon his lap
And jumped upon the poor old sap.
Then, the man who’d been so kind that day
Disowned the deer, and strode away!
-By Joshua and Gideon

The Swiss Cheese Siamese

There once were two cats, they were both siamese.

They did nothing all day but to gobble swiss cheese.

The mice in that country felt totally at ease

Due to the cats obsession with cheese!

The cats would gulp cheese down all day and all night!

Yes, for these siamese cheese was quite a delight.

The cheese, you might wonder, from where was it’s source?

(Enough couldn’t be packed on the back of a horse!)

The cheese source, of course, was a pit in the ground

Where an endless supply of swiss cheese could be found.

Cheese from the ground could be quite rank.

All but the cats were sure that it stank.

But one day, those siamese started to sneeze…

They were both overcome with swiss cheese allergies!

They tried hard to get some relief for their noses

By carefully smelling some prickly roses,

But that didn’t work, and I’m sorry to say

That they sneezed and they sneezed for the rest of the day.

Their malady continued on into the night.

By morning each cat was a most frightful sight!

Their noses were purple from oh so much sneezing,

And when I say purple, it’s true! I’m not teasing!

The fame of these sneezers spread far and wide

To every country on every side.

And wherever they went, they would constantly sneeze.

They were known as the Sneezing Swiss Cheese Siamese!

They even began to learn sneezy tricks

Like jumping through hoops while walking on sticks.

Huge crowds came together from lands cold and warm

To watch these two siamese sneezers perform.

But alas, one day, to their utter dismay,

Their sneezes suddenly went away!

Sneeze doctors were baffled and scratched their heads bald.

The skeptics all laughed, and the crowds were appalled!

The two siamese felt such horrible shame,

They hid themselves, then played a quiet chess game.

As they sat and swiped pawns in their secret seclusion,

The rest of the earth was in utter confusion.

The headlines announced, “Where have they gone?”

Someone even searched underneath of their lawn!

Soon everyone searched, even judges and mayors,

While the two cats played chess like professional players.

Their game skills became so incredibly grand

That folks flocked, once again, from all over the land!

They had just reached the point that they always could win,

When they suddenly started to sneeze once again!!!

Sneezy tricks at chess games began to come back.

They could juggle those pieces with most skillful knack!

But then, they discovered the way not to sneeze:

To simply stop stuffing their mouths with swiss cheese!

So these two siamese stopped their cheese-eating ways,

And they sneezed not once more to the end of their days!

-By Gideon and Mama